asexuality | Nonsexual Intimacies (Part 5 of 5)

This is part of my activity for Asexual Awareness Week.

Urgent Situations

This category differs from the others somewhat. Urgent situations are rarely planned, and sometimes involve people who aren't already close. This can make them good for introducing characters to each other. Conversely if they happen between people who do know each other, they tend to change the nature of the relationship. Also, such urgent situations happen infrequently in everyday life, but they appear more frequently in the high-tension atmosphere of fiction.

Childbirth. Attending the blessed event entails providing a lot of moral support for hours under high stress. It can create a bond with the baby as well as with the mother. When planned, this opportunity is only offered to the closest family members or friends, barring professionals. But it can happen by surprise in very awkward circumstances, a popular motif in fiction.

Saving someone's life. Quick action in a life-threatening situation demonstrates how much one person values another. This can create a strong sense of connection, and sometimes obligation. It often, though not always, entails personal risk for the rescuer. This is fairly typical for military buddies or police partners, etc.

Risking your life for someone. Placing someone else ahead of your own life shows their importance to you unequivocally. This often, though not always, involves trying to save or protect another person. While it can create a sense of gratitude, it frequently causes anger as well -- someone who loves you will generally object to you endangering yourself, even to protect them. Military and police buddies protect each other regularly.

Making emergency decisions for someone. This reveals both how well you know the person, and how much you care about them -- whether you know what they would want, and act on it even if it differs from your personal preference. Unlike some of the other options, in this one the initial action is often outweighed by the aftermath. Both characters have to deal with the results of the decisions, good or bad.

Deathwatch. Dying can be as intimate as giving birth. Staying with someone while they pass is an act of love; so is providing moral support to someone sitting deathwatch for a family member or other person. Many soldiers and police have done this for someone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wow. Very serious listing for today.

(Although the first one made me giggle, because of a ST:TNG episode where it came up. XD)

I loved how you noted in your introduction that while such events are rare in real life, they're much more frequent in fiction.

You've provided an excellent resource throughout this week. Thank you so much for taking the time to compile it! :)

>>Wow. Very serious listing for today.<<

I think it's important for people to understand that intimacy can include small and large things, planned or unplanned, between close companions or strangers. It's not always the same in real life and fiction, but there is overlap. These things are worth thinking about if you want a life with strong relationships and/or stories that hang together.

>>(Although the first one made me giggle, because of a ST:TNG episode where it came up. XD)<<

Yep, I've seen that.

>>I loved how you noted in your introduction that while such events are rare in real life, they're much more frequent in fiction.<<

I find it useful to compare. I'm always looking for things that are significant, but rarely covered in fiction, because then they seem fresh to readers and there is less competition from other writers.

>>You've provided an excellent resource throughout this week. Thank you so much for taking the time to compile it!<<

You're welcome! I'm glad you found this helpful.

Oh, yes, these happen frequently in fiction - saving/risking lives almost every week in some action/adventure and police shows :D

Thanks so much for taking the time to make this list. It's still making me think about things :D

I really had fun with this series, so I'm glad that people enjoyed it. It's good to talk and think about other forms of intimacy besides sex.

Thank you for doing this series of posts, I found them really interesting and enjoyable to read.

I'm glad you liked this. It seems to be raising awareness, so that's a good thing.

I am not a member of this comm, but I found it through someone else and I saw your posts and I've memoried them because I think they are so powerful. I'm fairly new to writing fanfic (who knows if I will write original fic), and while I'm not asexual, I often find it boring to read/write about sex. I think the things you have described often do a better job of illustrating closeness in a relationship than sex does, especially in fiction.

Thanks!

>> I am not a member of this comm, but I found it through someone else and I saw your posts and I've memoried them because I think they are so powerful. <<

I'm glad you found this so useful.

>>I'm fairly new to writing fanfic (who knows if I will write original fic),<<

In my observation, fanfic can be good practice. You get to start with pre-made characters and settings, then fiddle with them to do new things. As you get more experience you may want to try making your own characters and settings too.

>> and while I'm not asexual, I often find it boring to read/write about sex. <<

That's a surprisingly common opinion.

>>I think the things you have described often do a better job of illustrating closeness in a relationship than sex does, especially in fiction.<<

*nod* Sex is often equated with intimacy, but it's quite possible for people to have sex without any emotional connection or meaningful involvement in each other's lives. If you want your characters truly enmeshed, you have to connect them at more points than the juncture of their legs.

I have made one attempt, using your first post and "shaving" as my prompt, at three different types of relationships. It was very interesting to do. I found the non-sexual and sexual relationships very easy to wrap my head around, as you might expect. The asexual relationship left all kinds of questions in my head (I have someone I can talk with about this stuff). It was a great way to try to figure out what a relationship that doesn't fit into either non-sexual or sexual might look like. I ended up feeling like I didn't really get there, but I felt ok about that because I also felt like it didn't fit into a mainstream definition of a relationship.

Thanks so much for these posts, again.

Nonsexual Intimacies (Part 5 of 5)

no subject

Yes...

no subject

You're welcome!

no subject

You're welcome!

no subject

Thank you!

Re: Thank you!