Dream emotions

Oct. 17th, 2017 12:04 am
ysobel: (Default)
[personal profile] ysobel
One of my dreams last night evoked a feeling that I have been trying all day to remember, with very little success.

I don't remember the imagery from the dream -- something about coming home after a war, something about the I-character being a prince -- but it's not the imagery I care about. It's the emotion. I can't remember. It was partly like -- oh, I don't know, like a newly crowned (and mostly still school aged) King Peter coming howm to Narnia after his first battle as king; it had elements of Harry returning to Hogwaets after winning some external tournament for Gryffindor (why Gryff in particular and not Hogwarta as a whole I don't know, and the not that sticks out was people back at the castle waiting, like in a Greek myth, to see which color sails adorn the ship, so someone could run back with news of the winner, which makes no sense in a world with magic, but again the visuals don't matter.

And I can't quite remember the emotion.

I think -- in the way you can sometimes remember the shape of a word without remembering the word itself -- it had the shape of a sort of nostalgia, like coming back as an adult to places you frequented as a kid (and things are so much more small and ordinary when you see them with adult eyes). But also a bit of ... deliberate loss? Of having gone to do the thing knowing you'd be changed by it and knowing that you'd never get innocence back, watching kids be kids and being unable to join in because you know too much. And some element of disconnect, like you've been off fighting a battle in Faerie and return triumphant to find that a hundred years have passed overnight and they're really quite happy that you won but you don't know them because they're the great-grandchildren of your baby brother or whatever, and you can't get the missing years back.

Those are the pieces I can remember, but ... echoes, not the source. It's more than that and *I don't remember*. And the more I try, the less I grasp.

[Photos] 2017 - Boranup Forest II

Oct. 17th, 2017 01:13 pm
moonvoice: (Default)
[personal profile] moonvoice
In October,
we revisited the Boranup forest,
this time with my Mum.

Everything was so much greener,
always so much love for Boranup.


The beast with hair of green.




More forest, this time in October )

DIY Medication

Oct. 17th, 2017 01:00 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
A new-old option is entering the field.  Remember that everyone used DIY medication until it became a viciously protected industry.  If you find the health care system accessible, affordable, and effective then by all means use it.  But if you can't access it, then studying how to do things for yourself is better than dying because some bastard decided to murder people by jacking up the cost of lifesaving medication by 6000% or whatever.

Sexual Diversity

Oct. 17th, 2017 12:52 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
 ... is not a binary, but rather a spectrum with many variations.  They're just kind of hard to see when doctors routinely cut off genitals they find offensive.  It particularly aggravates me when people argue the "isness" of gender not based on scientific fact but a casual glance at the crotch, which is often wrong in intersex cases.  At least a chromosome reading would tell you what the sex chromosomes say.  Which is sometimes XXY, XYY, X0, or other things that aren't the standard male or female -- leaving those people legally obligated to lie about their sex on almost every form, which only offer male/female in official contexts.  Someone really needs to sue the government for rampant sex discrimination.  I mean, imagine if the forms only offered "male" and all women had to lie or go without services.  They'd be as pissed as they were back when a lot of places had only men's toilets.

Gravity and Light

Oct. 17th, 2017 12:45 am
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
 ... have been sighted making waves together.  This is cool.  However, these discoveries are moving humans closer to graviton technology.  This concerns me.  While it's always exciting, it's also extremely dangerous.  They haven't even figured out how to use nuclear power safely, which could largely destroy the biosphere.  A graviton accident can crack a planet in a half, a developed weapon can pulverize one, and farther up the scale you get sunkiller bombs.  *looks at the steaming pile in the Oval Office*  I am not sanguine about Earth's survival.  :(

We should probably mail some algae and tardigrades to Mars and the water moons while we can.

Planetarium First Impressions

Oct. 16th, 2017 11:56 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
We bought a board game called Planetarium. Tonight we playtested it in preparation for playing with friends later this month. I'm not inclined to do a full review based on one round, but I want to record some preliminary observations so I don't forget them. After I've played some more, I'll add more details and clean up the descriptions.

Read more... )
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
The unsold poetry list for the October 3, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl is now up on LiveJournal. 

💅 👤 💫

Oct. 16th, 2017 12:04 pm
venusundae: an anthropomorthic flower hugs a bee baby (hold on tight。)
[personal profile] venusundae
it took ritual as decisive action to truly be able to let go of the memories that sneak up unannounced and seize you with a vice grip. since the ritual i did the night before my birthday — where i decided to finally let go of all the harmful things that were plauging me, so i could enter the next year of my life without letting them follow me — i've been able to truly free myself of awful memories.

of course painful things i still get reminded of from time to time. but when it's something i don't need anymore — something i've already learned from, something i've spent enough time dwelling on, something that offers no wisdom even, and only harm — i get the urge to erase it. but where before i would be paralyzed in a mental tug of war with these demons holding me down at the throat until i relent and fully embrace being overwhelmed with embarrassment and horror and shame... i win.

i successfully rid myself of the grip that that piece of my past has on me, whatever piece it happens to be at the time.

since deciding that i don't need that constant pain in the present in order to still honor my once abused self, i've been able to honestly begin to move on. i can't even tell you what specific memories they are. i could have been thinking about it true seconds ago, viscerally reacting until the moment i remembered i could let it go. and so do. then it's gone. and i don't even have to sit with the weight of knowing what it specifically was. i'm that free.

i know the memories are still there, in me somewhere. and i'll remember them again someday. but when i do it won't detach me from my entire day, or keep my heart racing my entire night. it won't be with secret shame when someone points out innocently how funny certain habits of mine are while i sit silent knowing they come from a place of defense or of fear or were manipulated into me. it will be when the anecdote from my own past will become relevant in order to show a fellow survivor that they too can not only move on, but heal and grow and flourish afterward.

Monday Update 10-16-17

Oct. 16th, 2017 11:41 am
ysabetwordsmith: Artwork of the wordsmith typing. (typing)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
These are some posts from the later part of last week in case you missed them:
Read "Real Friends Help You Hide the Bodies" by Bairnsidhe
Poem: "Digging In"
Poem: "The Green Monkey"
Read "Rule 34" by Siliconshaman
Sunday Yardening
Reward for Impeachment
Poem: "Come Closer in Kinship"
Crowdfunding Creative Jam
Kneeling
Poem: "Liminality"
Toward Activity Scouts
Friday Yardening
Poem: "Transpeciation"
Thursday Yardening
Poem: "Transcend Apparent Limits"
Moment of Silence: David Patterson
Wednesday Yardening
A Word for America Today
Good News


There is a half-price sale in Polychrome Heroics this week.  Shop for poetry, or watch for new goodies to appear.


Poetry in Microfunding:
"The Inner Transition" belongs to Polychrome Heroics: Berettaflies and has 7 new verses.  Stylet comes out of the shower.  "The Higher a Monkey Climbs" belongs to Polychrome Heroics.  Pips and Jules discuss what to get for G and Joshua after the fire.  

We got a little rain, and the weather turned much cooler.  Currently blooming: dandelions, marigolds, petunias, lantana, million bells, firecracker plant, morning glories, frost asters, goldenrod.  Most of the fields around us have been harvested.

I saw a couple of sparrows around the birdfeeders this week.   Right now there is a male cardinal around my office window.  :D 

inktober: week 2

Oct. 15th, 2017 11:15 pm
syntheid: [Avatar: TLA] Appa face-on in water up to his nose. (yip yip)
[personal profile] syntheid
(thanks for everyone who comments, I'm kind of unable to respond to every comment individually but I really appreciate them!)

I broke down and dug out the fine liners and that let me get some better detail for some of them. Day 9 was a study but I really liked how that one turned out, kinda learning about ink washes. Also added in a bit of color with highlighters, even though I'd intended to do all monochrome. I've been kinda trying to go back to a couple of the things I thumbnailed or sketched last week, but I haven't really been able to do it yet. Kind largely referenced work here, because I wanted to focus more on learning how to use the mediums and study lighting, though Day 8 was original. Went with a cartoony style because I thought it'd be easy to do; I was kind of unmotivated that day, so I just wanted to do something relatively fast but 'finished' and it worked out.


stitched-mouth cartoony ink person waving hello

referenced from a photo of a person holding a dead bird spread out on their back

value study with intense shadow on half a face for portrait

a sketchy yelling chameleon

value study on a fuchsia flower

face-on portrait of disheveled person coloed in blue and purple

ink wash study of feet standing on tip toe

ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
I have sponsored the poem "Real Friends Help You Hide the Bodies" by [personal profile] bairnsidhe.  It's about an intersex supervillain and friends, and actually quite touching.

Poem: "Digging In"

Oct. 15th, 2017 09:51 pm
ysabetwordsmith: (Fly Free)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This is the freebie for the October 2017 [community profile] crowdfunding Creative Jam. It was inspired by a prompt from [personal profile] mama_kestrel. It also fills the "autumn" square in my 10-1-17 card for the Fall Festival bingo, and with that, I have made bingo down the B column! \o/


"Digging In"


A true friend is someone who,
when you tell them to bring a shovel,
they don't ask if you're planting roses
or burying your ex,

they just come dressed to dig.

It's tulips, this time,
fringed and French,
parrots and peonies,
Darwins, Greigii, Fosteriana.

It's tulips, this time,
their brown bulbs
whispering triumph,
against autumn winds,

but it isn't always.

* * *

Notes:

Tulips are planted in fall to bloom in spring.  They come in many different styles.

Poem: "The Green Monkey"

Oct. 15th, 2017 09:26 pm
ysabetwordsmith: (Fly Free)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This is the second freebie for the October 3, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl courtesy of new prompter [personal profile] elinox. It was inspired by a prompt from [personal profile] acelightning. It also fills the "frighten" square in my 10-1-17 card for the Fall Festival bingo.


"The Green Monkey"


It's hard when you're born
technically human, visibly human,
but so weird you don't fit in --

when your body looks female
but your soul feels male,

when you're so smart that
you finish the worksheet before
the teacher finishes handing them out,

when you can hear things that
humans aren't supposed to hear
or say things that everyone claims
only babies can learn to pronounce --

and you can't help but remember
that experiment with the monkeys
where the scentist dyed one of them
and the others tore it to pieces,

when you keep seeing murders
of trans nerdy freakish people
whenever you turn on the news,

when every time that you go out
you feel people's eyes on your back,
crawling over your skin like spiders,

and you don't know why you
seem to frighten them so much
but it's clear enough that you do,

and you can't help but wonder
if you're the green monkey.

Read "Rule 34" by Siliconshaman

Oct. 15th, 2017 07:40 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Damask smiling over their shoulder (polychrome)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
[personal profile] siliconshaman has posted a Polychrome Heroics story set in Rapid City, very explicit and NSFW.  Check out "Rule 34." 

Noir City DC -- first weekend

Oct. 15th, 2017 08:13 pm
neotoma: Loki from Thistil Mistil Kistil being a dingbat (Loki-Dingbat)
[personal profile] neotoma
This weekend I've seen 4 movies as part of the Noir City DC film festival with [personal profile] greenygal. This year's theme: 'Heists, Hold-Ups, and Schemes Gone Wrong.'

Kansas City Confidential )

Criss-Cross )

The Asphalt Jungle )

White Heat )

I am amused that the solution in two of the movies to 'how do we make stolen money untraceable' is 'turn it in for the 25% reward from the insurance company covering the place we stole it from'. That's certainly an interesting way to launder ill-gotten gains.
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