asexuality

Hi all,

I do plan on doing some research on my own, but I'm hoping that someone can help me save some time. I'm looking for information/ideas/blogs etc about sexual people and asexual people in relationships. Not for me, for a friend (honest! :P).

I know I've read some things, but haven't noted it as I'm aromantic and introverted and so the compromises of relationships aren't overly relevant.

ysabetwordsmith

The June Poetry Fishbowl is now open in my LiveJournal. I'll be writing poetry all day based on whatever ideas my readers post. Come give me prompts about alternative sexuality and gender studies. If you'd like to see more positive representations of asexuality, this is a good opportunity.

Current Mood: busy

mystiri_1

I was taking part in a discussion on facebook's asexual. group page where somebody asked why a man she talked to reacted in such an angry, hostile way to her saying that she was asexual. She didn't understand what he found so threatening about her asexuality. There's also a lot of online wank at the moment regarding whether aces qualify as queer or not. But here's my take on why people may find our sexuality - or lack of it - threatening.

Society pushes sex at you from every angle, and for men, the idea that sexual perfomance is the basis of masculinity. It's very similar, in its way, to traditional homophobia: men who are afraid that the positive feelings they have towards other men somehow threatens their heterosexual orientation even if those feelings aren't sexual in nature, and the lingering idea that homosexual men are somehow emasculated by their sexual practices.

'Real' men are supposed to have sex, and lots of it. It's all a load of bullshit, of course, but stereotypes usually are. Asexuals aren't sexually attracted to them - therefore they are somehow failing, regardless of the fact that it has nothing to do with them personally. Or possibly somebody has had sex with them in the past and failed to enjoy it - again, a threat to their own sexual identity and masculine confidence. Perhaps they don't feel a burning desire to go out and have sex all the time (the way 'real' men should), and it has them worrying that they are suffering from some kind of sexual dysfunction, and you just have to watch one ad for male erectile dysfunction to know how utterly disastrous this is. (Nothing like making you feel bad to get you to buy something.)

For women, it's the idea that our value lies in our attractiveness to the other sex. It doesn't matter how much we 'know' that this is shallow, objectifying and degrading behaviour: we want to be sexually attractive, because society judges us on those merits in the absence of its ability to see others - like intelligence, caring, personality - at a glance.

Feminism has both helped and hindered. We are supposed to be sexually active and enjoying it, these days; it is our right as liberated women. But asexuals don't want this, and some of the old stereotypes creep through - 'frigid', 'spinster', that sort of thing. 'Left on the shelf' is one of my favourites, because it is wonderfully descriptive of the negative connotations of not being in a relationship - nobody wants you. We don't necessarily want to be alone, but if sex is the basis for most modern relationships, then we don't have anything to offer. The idea of other reasons for a relationship - companionship, affection, support - all seem to pale in the absence of sex, because that is what modern society tells us we should want.

Ironically, a lot of this still holds true for non-heterosexual communities. The LGBT community has been fighting for a long time to be recognised, to have the same rights as everybody else. Some of them object to the fact that asexuals have 'passing privilege': we can have hetero-romantic relationships, and therefore are 'straight' - but we're not. We're not sexually attracted to the opposite gender; we're not sexually attracted to the same gender. They can still find us threatening to their own sexual identities just as much as the hetero-normative majority can. And because we're outside their norm, too.

A hetero-romantic asexual has some of the rights that they want - legally recognised marriage, for example - but may or may not choose to exercise them. A hetero-romantic or aromantic asexual will not have to deal with the persecution that comes with being in a relationship with somebody of the same gender. A homo-romantic or bi-romantic asexual still doesn't necessarily want to have sex with someone of the same gender - a state which may impact their own feelings of sexual attractiveness. At the same time, some may feel that it calls into question the long campaign for them to be allowed to have sex with somebody of their own gender without fear of religious, legal or societal persecution.

In the end, it's not that different from any other minority-based phobia or prejudice: it's because we're different. And in being different, we make others worry about how they are different, or what we might take away from them because of our differences.

alafaye

Hello! New here and am glad to see a community for this!

I was just wondering if, in addition to online communities and forums, someone could recommend some books? I'm a huge bookworm and will mentally devour any book I can get my hands on (I just found a great book on introverts and was done in a few days, oops). So if there are any books anyone can recommend, I will very grateful. I'll also take some suggestions on demisexuals and gender queers/gender neutrals.

Thank you!

Current Mood: curious

ex_pippin880

Hey guys! I'm doing asexuality/aromanticism for the Frequently (or Not So Frequently) Asked Questions project and I've been asked something that I can't answer. Would anyone like to take it?

The question is:
What's your favourite and least favourite thing to read about asexuality in fiction?

And I... can't think of a single example of or reference to (textual/canon) asexuality in books/fiction I've read. :|

sciatrix

So over in the blogosphere there was a bit of discussion about getting more people to write interesting things about asexuality. And out of it came the idea: blog carnival! (A blog carnival is an event where the host announces a topic to write about, people submit posts on that topic over the course of a time period, and then the host collects them all together in a round-up post at the end. Then someone else hosts the carnival for a bit.)

Anyway, hopefully this is going to be a monthly blog carnival. I've already got two people who have volunteered to host new installments so I think it will actually move forward after this month, but it would help to get submissions! You also don't have to have a blog to participate. If you don't have a blog and want to join in, I'm hosting guest posts on my blog.

The theme for this month (with submissions due May 1st because, after all, March is kind of already over) is coming out. There are extra ideas for what to write about, if anyone is interested, on the Call for Submissions post. Actually, there's a lot more information there. You can submit any responses by commenting with the URL to the post linked there.

I'm really hoping this takes off, because I really want to see what everyone has to say. I'm looking forward to May!

mystiri_1

Last night, I went to a barbeque to celebrate my Dad's wedding anniversary. And like most such occasions, comes the moment when somebody asks, "So what about you? Why don't you have a partner?"

For the first time ever, my response was, "I'm asexual, so I'm just not interested."

While I have been asexual all my life - I can't ever recall a time when I have felt genuinely attracted to someone else - it's only been maybe half a year since I could put a label to what I am. It's weird, in a way - labels are supposed to be bad, demeaning, confining, whatever - but I remember reading an article talking about what asexuality was and thinking, "That's me," and feeling relief, because it meant I wasn't just weird or somehow defective by today's standards.

It wasn't the first time I have told someone I was asexual - I have talked about it online, spoken with friends about it - but it felt like a huge accomplishment to come out and say it in a purely social setting, where the expectation is that people will come in pairs. Ironically, I think it is the first time I have ever spoken about it around my immediate family: my little brother was sitting next to me at the time. They've never really said anything about the fact that I've never been involved with anybody; I've always been the quiet one, the one who doesn't go out of her way to be incredibly social, and maybe to an extent that is simply taken for granted. But there's something satisfying in being able to assert that no, it's not because I'm too introverted or a bit of a geek, it's just that that's not me.

The woman I was talking to was surprised, but she also congratulated me for being so honest. She told me that, as a hairdresser, people tell her all kinds of things, so she's no longer shocked by anything - but she was curious as to how I dealt with it. Several of her clients were asexual, and it seemed that they had a hard time dealing with it simply because it's not something that people seem to talk about. And yes, this is something I definitely know is true.

These days, homosexuality is talked about, although not everybody is accepting or supportive of those who identify as such. People might admit to being bi-sexual or at least curious, or assert with great emphasis that they are straight. But while I have met plenty of people who are quite happy to openly place themselves within any of those categories, I don't think I've ever met anybody else willing to say 'I'm asexual' anywhere except online. We're the group people don't talk about, and don't really understand.

I told her that most of what I had learned about asexuality, and found in the way of support, came from online communities like Dreamwidth, where different sexualities are already widely accepted. Even if you don't say much, there's a comfort to knowing that there are other people like you out there, that they face some of the same issues you do. Afterwards, I felt that maybe it was time to come out and say some of the things I have thought about these last few months, because of that very reason: it help to know other have similar experiences. So here it is.

( My non-relationships )

( Not quite like everybody else )

( Making a discovery )

( Adjusting my thinking )

( So what has changed? )

I am 30 years old, female, and asexual. This is my experience; yours may be different. Feel free to share.

kaz

A blog carnival is an event where various people write posts around a single topic and link them together at the end. The topic of this carnival is the intersection of asexuality and the autism spectrum. The scope of this project is general. Any topic that deals with the intersection of asexuality and autism fits within the aegis of the carnival. If you’re not sure, submit it anyway and we’ll figure it out.

We are asexual bloggers on the autistic spectrum who want to explore the intersection between autistic and asexual identities. The basis of this project is to have a conversation about our unique experiences being autistic and asexual without looking for a “cause”. We want to create a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about the issues that affect us. If you identify as asexual (or demisexual, or gray-a) and as on the autistic spectrum (diagnosed or not, AS, autism, PDD-NOS, NLD), you are invited to write a blog post for this project. If you are not asexual and autistic you are welcome to contribute provided you focus on the issues experienced by this particular intersection. The scope of the project is general, and open to any experiences of being autistic and asexual.

If you want to write a post but don’t have a blog, please contact Ily at sanfranciscoemily@gmail.com or Sciatrix at sciatrix@gmail.com about doing a guest post. Please have your post written by 31st January and comment on this post, this post on Writing From Factor X or send an e-mail to Sciatrix or Ily about your post by then. Note that the hosts reserve the right to reject posts by anyone if they feel they do not follow the guidelines of or are not in the spirit of the carnival. The posts will be compiled on Writing From Factor X for posterity. A post with the compilation will go up there in the beginning of February. Be a part of this exciting project!

–Sciatrix, Kaz, and Ily

An edit: Possible topics include but are not restricted to coming out experiences (both asexual and autistic), relationships, gender expression, young adult experiences, treatment by medical professionals, integrating identities, or dealing with stereotypes. This isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list, only general ideas.

verbs_not_nouns

( You're about to view content that the poster has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

charamei

Alas, the site is subscription only.

My mum showed me the hard copy of this article, which was in Times2 (one of the inserts in the Times [of London], for non-UKers). It was fairly basic stuff - mostly divided between 'hey, these people exist' and 'this isn't a disorder, guys' - but it's good news that it was in a national paper, and better news that it was mostly positive.

I'm afraid I don't have a subscription so I can't get the text to share, but someone else might? If not, it's at least good news.

calvinahobbes

I made some non-fandom icons featuring people holding aces of cards. Check them out at my journal.

bristrek

Voting for the flag, the latest round, isn't on AVEN! Instead you can find it HERE

Voting is open until Midnight GMT, Tuesday 10th August.

Spread the word, have your say and if there's one winner by a long shot we'll probably go with that one. If not there'll be another round. And in case someone is wonder, not all those designs are from AVENites. Almost all but not all, someone off AVEN actually took up the offer of submittig designs to it.

pulchritude

Hi everyone!

I am a student at the University of Leeds, studying for an MA in gender, sexuality, and queer theory. My dissertation is on how asexual people construct romance, since current mainstream discourses about romance necessarily include sex. I am interested in responses from both romantic asexuals and aromantic asexuals, as I think both groups of people can contribute equally valuable, though different, views. Demisexuals and people who identify as grey-A are invited to take this survey as well! I'd love to get a wide range of responses.

There's a much longer and more detailed introduction at the survey, which is here. I'll warn everyone in advance, though, that the survey is fairly long.

I am really grateful to everyone who does fill out the survey! Thank you so much!

neekabe

Got my t-shirt today! Horribly geeky and asexy, everything one needs in a tshirt ^_~

I had been hoping for a tank top with purple text, but they didn't have gray tank tops. I was willing to sacrifice purple text, but the gray was vital ^_~

edit to ask: Anyone else have asexual tshirts/bags/what-have-you? I was also thinking of something along the lines of "Just not attracted to nouns" but this one won out for geekery ^_~

bristrek

I made a post HERE about the efforts on AVEN to create a flag for the asexual community and how we're trying to reach out beyond our fourms to other asexual groups and get them involved. More details on that post.

Efforts have been of some use, there have been some suggestions from non-AVEN forums and people from various places have either started using AVEN accounts they haven't in years, passed their message on or signed up to chat right there and for this purpose.

In any case, initial submission of flag ideas ends on Saturday 24th - this Saturday!

As such a reminder seemed in order.

The topic on AVEN can be found HERE.

bristrek

Hello, and welcome to the the new discussion thread for an Asexual Flag. The AVEN version one is being held here. (Old thread: here, Voting: here though both are on AVEN)

There is also a poll/survey about the want and general ideas for a flag being done HERE that's worth taking. It isn't on AVEN so you don't need an account there, or anywhere really.

The goal of this post is to collect opinions based on what the asexual flag should actually look like. (ie, what is important to have in an ace pride flag.) We are trying to decide things like what symbols to use, what colors are best, and make other small decisions before re-starting the voting process. This post is also open to any new flag submissions people come up with, but there are a few guidelines that we would prefer these new flags to adhere to. If you are viewing this thread as someone who is not a member of AVEN, feel free to create an account or ask a friend to post your idea. You're also welcome to talk about it here if you'd prefer, I'll link this post on there so members can view any discussion on here.

We are currently working on spreading the word about a flag to non-English speaking communities. If you are fluent, or near-fluent, in another language, we would very much appreciate any assistance you could provide in getting the message out there about this project!

Discussion Topics:
- What symbols do we want to use? (Ace triangle, ring, spade, etc?)
- Establishing definitions of current symbols
- What specific types of flags does the community prefer?

Submission Guidelines:
- Stay away from flags that look like they may belong to a country. (Ex. No tricolor vertical stripes)
- Stay away from gradients.
- Suggested color scheme: white, grey, black, purple
- Keep the flags relatively simple (not busy with images/symbols)

Starting with this thread, we will no longer be accepting any flags that don't meet the above guidelines. This is in order to keep the next polling process simpler, with more refined designs. Spend time on your submission.

Thread End Date:
Saturday, July 24th

The Plan:
On Sunday, July 11, I will be recording the results from the first round of flag voting. After that, voting will be temporarily put on hold until we can gather more submissions and input from more people, including those that are not active on AVEN or who speak other languages.

Voting will re-commence on Sunday, July 25th as a continuation of the first round with the addition of recent submissions. A week will be assigned for each voting round. The current number of rounds is currently unknown, as I'm not sure how many submissions will be added, but ideally there should only be two more.

Translation Volunteers: (So far, only AVENites)
Pugnacioun - Spanish and French
you*hear*but*do*you*listen - Spanish and Korean

Spreading the Word: (these links may change as specific posts for Discussion 2.0 may be put up as in here)
Topic on the A-sylum
Topic on Apositive
Discussion on Pugnacioun's blog
Discussion on LiveJournal Old | New
Post on fuckyeahaces

If you know of any Asexual communities that are not listed above, please spread the news and give me a link to where your post is (even if it's not in English!)

I think it'd be a good idea if people at least look at the discussions being held on different forums, though it's going to be hard having a central hub, which is basically AVEN, that doesn't dominate too much. Between here and LJ at least there is OpenID and that can be used, but that doesn't work so well on forums/boards. Still, good idea I think to try and look in and talk in multiple places including AVEN (which is basically the natural hub) and others.

But if you want anything posted there, but don't have an account and don't want one put in a comment and let me know and I'll re-post it. If you want?

bristrek

I realize we had a post here a few days ago on the the proposed flag designs (found here), but recently voted has opened up (here) and there's been some dissent among the ranks - that is, a (small) number of AVEN posters are against the creation of an "official" flag, for a variety of reasons. Chief among them was the criticism that a flag to represent an entire community/sexual orientation shouldn't be determined entirely by a small number of people from one very specific part of that community. Others argue that it's a useful symbol and tool in representing asexuality to others in a easily adaptable and recognisable way.

In that vein, I thought I'd take the debate to all the various parts of the asexual community I could think of (another already posted about it here on their own blog, here on Apositive, and also here at

asexuality and they also suggested the question to the fuckyeahaces tumblr) - what do you all think about the creation of a flag?

melannen

...except, of course, those of us who still don't exist.

This is about the Queer the Census campaign, sponsored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force among other groups: they want the US Census to include a question about sexual orientation, and until then, they are giving people free stickers with sexual orientation checkboxes on them that they can use to seal the envelopes they send their census forms back in.

Except, of course, what are the choices on the stickers that say "Attn. Census Bureau: It's Time To Count Everyone"?

You can be gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or a straight ally. That's it. Not even an "other" option.

...I like to support pro-GBLT stuff, but I have to admit, this is one of those times when I get slightly bitter about it. Yes! Let's get queer people in the census! As long as they're the *normal* queer people! What do the rest of you think? Any ideas on what we can do about it? The "Queering the Census" website doesn't have any contact methods, but I'm debating finding e-mail addresses for the groups that are sponsoring it.

neekabe

Inspired by the post on a quiet dreamwidth comm meme, have a post.

Does being asexual make it easier to resist advertising messages?

As an introvert and an asexual, commercials and ads that tell me that their product will make people want to be around me and have sex with me are not overly interesting to me (so if I don't buy your product no one will want ever to have sex with me? Perfect!). I've never had much of a problem distancing myself from the various messages that the media presents about how we are all full of problems, and they will help us fix those problems if we just give them our money. Lately I've been wondering how much of that was the result of good work from my parents, and how much of that was simply that the subtext they were selling me wasn't something I was I cared about. I'm not wired to care about sex and popularity.

On the other hand, advertising also sells belonging, which is something that can be very tempting, especially to a person who hasn't quite figured themselves out yet and is still trying to see how they fit into the wider world ('If I buy into this, maybe I will finally understand what the fuss is about').

note: I'm trying to not present this in a way that sounds of "asexuals are better than those silly sexual people who are all slaves to their base desires" because I certainly know many sexual people who do not base their lives on what the TV tells them to do. However, I'm an introvert; I don't know that many people, period. I'm also the only asexual I know, so I hardly have access to a good sample of either side. It's just that my other discussion idea on asexuality and kink didn't seem like a good first post.

Profile

Asexuality

February 2019

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28

Syndicate

Page Summary

Style Credit

Style: by timeasmymeasure

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Page generated Jul. 15th, 2025 12:52 am

Recent Entries

(no subject)

Poetry Fishbowl Open!

Asexuality and phobias

(no subject)

fonsfaq sub

Call For Participation: A Carnival of Aces

Discovering Asexuality

Call For Participation: Spectral Amoebas- a Blog Carnival about Asexuality and the Autistic Spectrum

(no subject)

Asexuality article in Times2

Ace Icons

Asexual Flag - Voting!

(no subject)

(no subject)

Flag reminder

Asexual Flag - The more inclusive take at it

On the idea of an asexual flag...

Queering the census: We ALL count!

Asexuality and advertising

Profile

February 2019

Syndicate

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags